Buhluh Bahlu

So, after a couple of weeks of eating like crap again I decided to clean up my act. For a couple of weeks now I’ve been going to the gym or working out at home as time permits. Only managing one really good workout per week surrounded by a bunch of lesser attempts but I’m managing a workout of a kind at least every other day. 

I also am doing a food track (I began that only 2 days ago, actually). Also received a juicer I ordered 2 days ago and so far my first juice was 2 apples, 1 pear, some blueberries and ginger. Delicious. This morning I went with veggies (I don’t eat nearly enough of them). I had 2 small beets, a large carrot and some dill. Not delicious but not unpalatable either. What I’m finding so far is that if I drink the juice and wait a bit, I can then keep any other eating to a minimum. For instance, after the beet juice this morning I was still feeling a little hungry so I had about 5 slices of low fat ham and one slice of toast and tea and that topped me off comfortably. Had I not had the juice I would have probably made a 2 bread sandwich with or without eggs. So maybe this is a good way to start the day healthy and curb calories? We’ll see as I go on.

I tell you what… I bought a Hamilton Beach “Big Mouth” Juicer with 800 watts and it is loud and powerful. Maybe too powerful. It shakes all over the counter. Need to put a rubber mat under it. But it does a fast job so I guess that’s good. Only cost $64 with shipping from Amazon. Not bad for a gadget that could potentially change my health.

Clean up is a bit of a pain. There are many parts that get gooky with pulp. But if you rinse everything immediately after using it, it comes off really easily. I can’t imagine what a nightmare it will be if I ever let it sit and cake up. 

I’m watching this stupid movie, “Brief Interviews with Hideous Men”. Men’s ideas regarding a variety of things, but mostly about women and sex. As I’m listening it has occurred to me that when a woman is sitting there crying her eyes out because a man has wronged her, it’s really because of her unrealistic expectations. Often, if we’re being lied to, we kind of know it. Often, when you’re being played and some asshole is convincing you that you are the center of his universe, you are skeptical… but you want desperately to believe maybe he’s telling the truth… until you catch him kissing someone else. Then the crying happens. But what are these hurt feelings? We expected something else. We keep expecting better behavior from them than most of them are capable of. Perhaps it would hurt less to go in expecting less. If you were nursing a limping calf back to health, you wouldn’t expect it to carry you anywhere, would you? Just consider that men are limping calves. They will always be limping. Don’t expect much. You won’t be disappointed.

I dabble in Buddhism. “How is that?,” you ask? Easy. The same way I’m a reformed Catholic. I believe in the tenets (which is, frankly, more than I can say about my Catholism) and, when I can get it together, I actually make attempts to follow the principles and even meditate. I wish I could stick to it long enough to call myself a true Buddhist but I obviously lack the discipline. So I guess you might call me a failed Buddist. Except in Buddhism there is no such thing. You do your best with each passing moment and don’t judge it. It’s a beautiful concept.

That brings me to the concept of mindful eating. Like everything else Buddhist, the idea is to approach a meal with utter and sublime awareness. Sit without distractions. Take in the smells, texture, colors and tastes as if each morsel were a grand work of art. Allow it to nourish your body and feed your soul. Then stop when you are truly full. Not in the belly but wholly. This is something we do not do nearly enough.

Why is it that restaurants play music? Serve alcohol? Because the noise, while adding “ambience” and the alcohol while “relaxing” you, also makes it impossible for you to actually be mindful of what you’re eating. And so we often overeat. We are over stimulated. 

Today I sat down and had a brunch in total silence. The sunlight was streaming through my dining room window and there I sat with only the slight hum from the refrigerator coming from the kitchen behind me. I realized how loud my own chewing seemed within this utter quiet. But then, as I ate more, I also realized I was paying attention to chewing my food more thoroughly. Spending more time with each bite. I wasn’t shoveling fast like I sometimes do when I’m busy talking over a meal or playing on the laptop while eating. I was noticing the textures of what I was eating and my coffee seemed tastier too. It made me wonder if perhaps some of my weight issues don’t begin with the lack of mindfulness during my meals. It is something to consider. I will make attempts in the coming days to be more mindful while eating and I will post again in a few with my observations. I think it’s worth taking a look at.

Dear Angel,

Where ever you are - Happy Birthday.

Love, 

Celia

It has taken me years to see things the way I’m about to describe them but so what? 

I recently got a reminder from someone that my moral compass is broken. Apparently, a very Catholic Italian person I know got wind of some less-than-charming things I have done and said and was all over me about it. Apparently also made fun of my weight in the process. It made me mad and then I realized that these are not people I like. I don’t like them because they are all hypocrites. On the outside they want to portray a version of life that is idealized. They walk the walk and talk the talk but on the inside they are either a) burning with a desire to behave badly or are b) secretly behaving badly or c) have secretly behaved badly and were either 1) caught or 2) shamed into stopping and now have a holier-than-thou attitude for anyone doing what they had themselves been doing.

I have no patience for any of that bullshit. I have friends who run the gamut of moral behavior. One of my best friends is one of the most moral and ethical people I know. But she’s also not judgmental. So when I’ve told her of some of my baser moments, she has always been a darling fountain of love and I know she’s sincere. Then I have friends who are walking a fine line between being normal people and being hedonistic savages and I love them too because they’ve never actually done anything criminal or hurtful to anyone. Have feelings been hurt? In all likelihood, yes. But then we’ve all hurt someone at sometime just because we were being “us” and the other person wanted us to be someone else. That is just life. And that’s where the morality thing comes in.

Some things are obviously wrong. Hurting another in anger or envy or vengeance is wrong. But there is so much grey area and so many times we inadvertently hurt someone while in the process of trying to figure out something for ourselves. I don’t think we should be hard on each other for that kind of thing. We need to be a little more human. A little more compassionate. Much as some people want to believe that morality is a black and white thing - it isn’t. Because what one person thinks is immoral might be perfectly fine and suitable to another. So I say “phooey to this concept of morality.” Let’s just help each other be kinder people.